i love jesus because i really want to

Hey friends! It’s 100+ degrees today here in Romania. I’m NOT used to this and I’m actually slightly sad looking at my weather app, noticing that the weather in Indiana is sunny and 75. But we’re all doing our best to stay cool in whatever creative ways we can. So at the moment I’m sitting in a Starbucks for the sole purpose of air conditioning!!!! (We don’t have AC at our house YIKES) 

As I was sitting here, I found a blog draft in my notes that I wrote a while back. I remember the night I wrote this I was laying in bed processing through some thoughts/emotions/tensions and it turned into a really beautiful moment of being able to articulate and appreciate the Father’s love for me and my love for Him. I went through today and edited it up a little but here ya go.. some late night Heather thoughts for you from the other week — 

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As I lay here in bed tonight I began to just have this overwhelming sense of deep love for The Father. I think that the difference is that this isn’t out of some spiritual high. It’s a love from the deep joy that surpasses my thoughts, my exhaustion, my annoyance, my human condition. 

I don’t know y’all. I just want to make the point that in the past, I’ve been in spaces of loving Jesus because I’m happy and because life is good and because it’s all I know. And now I’m beginning to crack open my world and my faith into in a space of loving Jesus because I want to. Because my life isn’t always happy and sometimes you don’t even know what you know about God. Or sometimes people fail you and you actually get really tired of traveling abroad and you want to go home. Or you have anxiety out of no where and it makes you frustrated. Or sometimes you feel like you don’t matter and you feel like you don’t have a voice and you get mad at yourself for not having more energy and the list goes on. But then Jesus is there. And He helps you. And you’re okay. Like deep, deep down you’re okay. And He reminds you the truth. The truth is that I don’t have to know everything about God and that’s okay. The truth is that people do fail you but there’s forgiveness that can be extended and taken with His help and you can healthily move on. The truth is that you might get tired of traveling abroad but this season isn’t forever. The truth is that you might have anxiety but there’s nothing to fear because you don’t have to listen to your feelings. The truth is that I do matter and I do have a whole big circle of people around me who love me. The truth is that I do have a voice that I can feel empowered to use. The truth is that I am a human who has limits and I can’t do it all. I cant compare my energy to other people’s energy because how I was created is enough.. and the list of truth goes on and on too. 

And then because of these truths I can walk in a steadfastness. I can be steadfast in the midst of life because He is. 

I love Jesus. I love Jesus because I really want to. 

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I kinda got a little teary reading through this again today. Thanks God for meeting me where I’m at, always!!!

We only have about 3 1/2 months left of this crazzzyyyy journey. Be praying for the rest of our time here in Romania. We got new teams since being here and have been going full force with our ministry. We’ve been doing a lot of relational ministry with Hope Church and with the people of Craiova. It’s been really, really sweet. 

Thanks for all your support as always! 

Much love, 

Heather